Chapter 13

“Oh, I’m so saaaad,” cried Spiderman, his mind filled with images of a trembling, dismembered Jerry Seinfeld. It had been nearly a week since Jerry’s unfortunate run-in with the demented Mr. Crazy, and the web of Spiderman's life was torn apart and wrapped around the shoulder of somebody's jacket.
“Meee toooooo!” sobbed Wolverine, who was walking around Spiderman’s apartment slicing up random objects with his adamantium claws.
“Whyyyyy, why did this have to haaaaappen?!?” moaned Spiderman in a spooky ghost voice.
“I don’t knooooow!” wailed Wolverine, collapsing against a nearby wall. ”Sometimes…sometimes it just seems like there’s *sniff* s-so much pain in the world.”
“It’s like…it’s like…” blubbered Spiderman, “It’s like sometimes all I see is pain as I stand in the pouring rain.”
“The world is cold and bleak and harsh,” mused Wolverine. “It’s like a boggy, murky marsh.”
“What is there except for d-death?” quavered Spiderman. “I long for its unending breath.”
“My life’s a window, old and broken, I choke with every word that’s spoken,” babbled Wolverine.
“My penis is shaped like a car,” wept Spiderman, “Hop inside, and we’ll go far.”
“Dude,” said Wolverine, “I don’t know about you, but I feel a lot better. Sometimes, ya know, sometimes you just gotta let it out, ya know?”
“Yeah,” sniffled Spiderman, “I guess, maybe sadness…is just a natural part of life, and while everybody has their problems, there’s no point in being a faggot about it. After all, it’s not like moodiness is an art form or something.”
“You said it, my friend,” smiled Wolverine, “You said it.” Wolverine sat for a few minutes in quiet reflection, glad to have his mood lightened by a moment of thoughtful emotional discourse with his pal Spiderman. With some of the sorrow lifted off of his chest, Wolverine was exponentially more ready to get back to life as usual. “Spiderman, we’ve gotta find Mr. Crazy and make him pay for blowing Jerry Seinfeld in half with an explosive NBA logo…but first, pass me that official Spiderman-brand vibrator. I’m going to go into your bathroom, stick it up my ass, and masturbate.”