Chapter 2

“Well I say, well I, well I say, howdy there massas! C'mons into my humble adobe.”
“Hey there, Nigger Jim,” beamed Spiderman, “don’t mind if I do.” Spiderman and Wolverine stepped into Jim’s ramshackle shack, a simple construction built of plywood and corrugated tin.
“Well gee golly, fellers, I sho nuff do apolee-gize for da aw-fool state uh my heeya livin quar-tahs. I dun got supa to’ up las’ night an’ I reckon I dun trasheed up da place. Yeehaw!”
“Oh, psssh,” poo-pooed Wolverine, “The place smells great!”
“Well boy howdy, thankey kindly, suh!” replied Jim with innocent joy in his voice, “Well, uh, gee, uh, have uh seat, have uh seat!” offered Jim as he motioned towards a couple of chairs that appeared to be made out of human bones. The superheroes drunkenly slumped into the sitting furniture instantly. “So what dun brungs my two bestest pals in da hoooooo’ whirl roun’ my wayeeah?”
“Oh, you know, just thought we’d stop by and shoot the shit, ya know?” replied Wolverine. “And hey, speaking of shit, you’ll never guess what just happened to us!”
“Wuh, wuh?” queried Nigger Jim inquisitively.
“Well…we just nabbed Mr. Crazy!” said Spiderman with a big grin on his face, although you couldn’t see it behind his spandex mask.
“Who dat?”
“Oh you know,” explained Wolverine, “the guy with the officially-licensed NBA jacket?”
“Oh yayer! Dat nigga ca-rayyyzay!”
“He sure is!” confirmed Wolverine, and the three good friends all had a hearty laugh.
“So Jim,” said Spiderman, “Got any hot tips about the seamy underbelly of New York City?”
“Well lawda mercy, Mr. Spiduhman, I do believe we isn’t in New Yawk, but rather we be in da city of Poatlan, Ohreegon.”
“Oh, snap! I had totally forgotten that I wasn’t in the big city anymore!” gurgled Spiderman.
“Well, too be fair,” retorted Wolverine from the X-Men, “Portland is pretty big.”
“Wolverine…” said Spiderman as he stared intently at his comrade, “…you are one funny motherfucker!” Once again, all three of the men burst into a chorus of snorts and guffaws, this time at the expense of the city of Portland, which, although it has some kind of tall buildings, is still in Oregon. “But really, seriously, what’s the scoop, Jim?”
“Well, ah sho nuff reckon ah don’t naw mucha anythan, but I did heeya sumthin' ‘bout dem A-rabs dat been hangins around Noadstrom…”
“What’d you hear?!” barked Wolverine as he extended his sharp pokers threateningly. “Spill the beans, bub!"
“W-w-well I g-g-g-g-g-g…” stammered Jim.
“Oh great,” cried as Spiderman as he threw his hands in the air, “you spooked him! Here, Jim, take this pen and paper and write it out, honey.” Nigger Jim took the pen in his trembling hand and began to slowly write out a message.
“Let’s see…” said Spiderman as he carefully watched Jim’s every stroke, “It says…G…hyphen…Y…U…N…I…T……I don’t get it.”
“Fuck this,” exclaimed Wolverine, “let’s just head over to Nordstrom and scope things out.”
“Sounds like a plan, Stan,” rhymed Spiderman. “Grab onto me and hold tight, cause it’s gonna be one wild ride to downtown Portland!” With that, Wolverine wrapped his arms around the gridded hero and then Spiderman shot a web out of the front door of the shack and it attached to a building and they were off!