Chapter 17

After leaving DQ, Spiderman and Wolverne swanged back to Spiderman’s apartment on his webs of silk. It got really awkward at on point when Wolverine got a huge boner and it was rubbing up against Spiderman, but all awkwardness was quickly dispatched as Wolverine commented on his erection, saying,
“Hey…sorry about my 'hot rod' rubbing up against you…it’s just…the thrill of swinging around is so exhilarating…I guess the swelling in my penis is because of adrenaline, or something.”
“Hey, it’s okay!” replied the S-man understandingly, although he secretly hoped that this wacky situation would never happen again. When our dudes finally arrived at Spiderman’s apartment, they were both really tired.
“Mmm…damn, I am tired,” commented Wolverine, “Mind if I crash on your couch?”
“Yeah, man, that’s cool,” said Spiderman.
“Okay, well I am just gonna lie down and drift off, if you know what I mean,” yawned Wolverine.
“Ha, yeah, I know exactly what you mean!” chuckled Spiderman. With that, Wolverine lay down on Spiderman’s couch, and within 30 minutes he was soundly asleep.
“Ow my face!” screamed Yoko Ono, a character in Wolverine’s sleep-dream.
“Yoko, you know you don’t have a face!” said Wolverine in the daze of his non-consciousness.
“Ow, you’re right, I don’t!” replied Yoko, who then morphed into Lawrence Fishburne except he had rabbit ears. “Take the blue pill, and you wake up and all of this shit was just a dream. Take the red pill, and you can see just how deep the rabbit hole goes. It’s about 5 feet.” Lawrence Fishburne’s rabbit ears wiggled with anticipation.
“5 feet of what?” asked Wolverine.
“5 feet of…whoooooooa!” moaned Lawrence Fishburne as he morphed into Dr. Dre.
“Dr. Dre!” exclaimed Wolverine, “What are you doing here? You are a rap star!”
“Beats,” replied Dre. "I'm making beats."
“I don’t get it!” cried Wolverine.
“You’re not supposed to get it! Wa-ha!” cackled Dr. Dre, morphing into Mr. Crazy. “Fuck you, you piece of shit son of a bitch!”
“Ahhhhh!” screamed Wolverine in horror, waking up (or so he thinks.)
“Wolverine!” shouted "Spiderman", “You were just screaming bloody murder! But everything's okay because now I’m here to comfort you…or am I?!?!”
“I…I…” muttered Wolverine, shaken by his previous dream experience although he was actually still asleep. “I had a bad dream.”
“A bad dream? Aw, poor baby, do you need some…teeth?!?!” towards the end of his sentence, Spiderman’s voice became really spooky and reverberated and his face turned into a bunch of teeth. “Raaawwwr!” he growled.
“Ah!” screamed Wolverine, “This isn’t reality at all, this is still a dream!” And then he woke up, except he didn’t really.
“Wolverine!” shouted Spiderman. “You were just screaming bloody murder! What's the matter, ol' pal-o-mine?”
“I…I…” stuttered Wolverine, “I just had a really shitty dream.”
“A shitty dream? Aw, poor baby, do you need…a hug?!?!” asked Spiderman in a comforting voice.
“Yes, yes! I could really use a hug right now!” replied Wolverine with inexpressible joy. Spiderman began to hug Wolverine, but then he was like,
“Well, Wolverine, if you like hugs, then you’ll love….KNIVES!” and then Wolverine was like,
“What?” but before he could finish his one-word sentence a bunch of knives shot out of Spiderman’s body and stabbed Wolverine and he was like, “Aahhhhhhhh,” but then he woke up for reals this time.
“What the fuck?” screamed Wolverine as he awoke on Spiderman’s real couch in the real world.
“Wolverine!” shouted Spiderman back at him. “You were just screaming bloody murder! Do you need some juice?”
“Spiderman!” sighed Wolverine, “Thank god. Oh, I just had the most horrible dream…I dreamed I was in a dream and then there were a bunch of teeth and then knives and…and oh, it was horrible, it drove me nuts but now you’re here and everything’s alright forever!”
“Yes, yes, I’m here Wolverine,” cooed Spiderman. “It’s alright, bud…hang in there, dude.”
“Ugh, Spiderman!” sighed Wolverine. “You have no idea how good it is to hear your real voice, not just your dream voice this time!”
“Hey Wolverine, are you sure this is real?” said Spiderman cause just kidding this is a dream, too! “If this were real then could I do……this?” And with those words Spiderman began to let out a horrible cry and then his face flipped backward and his bones turned inside out and he morphed into Jesus.
“I am Jesus!” stated Jesus. “You must find the four pillars of Christianity, and then you will discover my true power.”
“Y-you mean…t-t-the…” stammered the still-dreaming Wolverine, “…Bible?”
“Ha!” laughed Jesus, “The bible is a rap of crap. The real power of Christianity lies in…the Holy Grail!”
“Y-you mean,” stammered Wolverine in his dream, “That in order to make you, Jesus, God, happy, I need to find…the Holy Grail?”
“Yes!” rasped Jesus, “Now you’ve got it. Find the Holy Grail and you’ll find my spirit…my body…my penis and balls.”
“What?” asked Wolverine, caught off guard by Jesus' unexpected referencing of his own genetalia.
“Oh, nevermind all that,” replied Jesus. “I'm not gay; I just fantasize about displaying my dick and balls to other guys in a sexualized way.”
“I…understand...I understand!” replied Wolverine enthusiastically. With that, Jesus began to fade away and Wolverine really woke up this time, straight up.
“What’s wrong, friend?!?” shouted Spiderman, “You’ve been screaming bloody murder for, like, 10 minutes straight!”
“Dude…” replied Wolverine. “I just had the most fucked up dream…but...I get it now.”
“Get what?” asked Spiderman.
“The purpose,” replied the W-man.
‘The purpose of what?” asked Spiderman.
“The purpose of for my life,” replied Wolverine.
“Ah…” said Spiderman, “So you finally had...the dream.”
“T-the…dream?” stammered Wolverine.
“Yes, the dream,” laughed Spiderman. “The dream where you learn about your quest to find the Holy Grail, silly!”
“What?” axed Wolverine.
“Oh, nevermind,” groaned Spiderman, “The point is, the time has come…the time has come for you to find...the Holy Grail.”
“The Holy what?” axed Wolverine.
“The Holy Grail!” replied Spiderman.
“Oh, okay.”